No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
