i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
