Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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