And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nicole vs. Life
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
