im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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