She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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