you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
