weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I enjoy the company of your penis
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
