DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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