Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I could make wine with my vomit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
