...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
