Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
