forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
being pregnant is like rehab
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
