I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
