Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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