i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do vagina's smell?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
