I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
