Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
