someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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