I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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