Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
