is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
