I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
