Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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