did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
