so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
