he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
