Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
