this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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