Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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