How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
