someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
is it fun? or sober?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
