if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
