you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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