Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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