holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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