Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
