last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
