She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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