so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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