I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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