i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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