We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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