You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
