I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
