Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
