I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
