Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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