I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
