Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
