Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
