You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
